Oh, the Irony!

How do you motivate yourself to write? It's the oddest thing: now that I have some time to work on my writing today, I'm having a tough time making myself do it. I tried so hard to write during my daughter's (rare) two hour nap today, and I accomplished...a paragraph. *sigh* I think perhaps I was tired, because I had to get up early for a doctor's appointment today; he wanted to meet with me and see how my medication was going, after having been on it for about six weeks or so.

I had a couple of short naps today during my daughter's other naps, so I'm not nearly as tired as I could be. My daughter is asleep for the evening (read: for a few hours, until she wakes up crying for food), yet I'm still unable to make myself write, even though I want to and I'm not nearly as tired as I was this afternoon.

So what gives? I've solved my problem with the short story, so that's not it. I almost feel like I don't want to work on it. Maybe I should work on something else this evening instead. I have been thinking about my Mer novel, and one of my old book series, lately. Perhaps my muse is trying to tell me something.

Or perhaps I just need to make a really big pot of (decaffinated) tea.

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Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah...Stayin' Alive, Stayin' Alive...

Well, my husband was right. The solution did come to me at a random moment: while we were on a plane, getting ready to take off, to Cleveland. It was so simple, it was stupid, really. I can't believe that I hadn't thought of it sooner. Of course, it had nothing to do with vampires and everything to do with my character. I felt really silly. But, that's the way things go with writing, sometimes. At least I found a solution sooner rather than later. I am shooting for a November deadline. I plan to enter the story in the Writer's Digest short story contest. It's worth a shot, after all.

On the other hand, I uncovered a lot of neat facts about vampires that I never knew before. I look forward to possibly sneaking some of it into my story, if I can. Some of it I won't be able to, but hey...maybe sometime I'll write another kind of vampire story. It would be something I've never done before, and a way to stretch myself creatively.

As it is, I am already thinking ahead to this year's Nanowrimo, and the kind of story I'll write for it. I'm tempted to try a strictly science fiction story. I'm not sure how that would pan out, but it would be an interesting thing to try, since I've never done it before...at least not exactly. I made an attempt back in early high school, but looking at the story as it stands now, I think it would need some major rewriting--perhaps as a fantasy.

Nanowrimo would, in a way, be the perfect time to try something new. At the same time, it would also be the worst time to write something in a new genre, given the immense pressure. Well, I have a few months to think it over. I can't believe it's almost been a year already. Where did the time go?

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A Plethora of Research

I have uncovered some interesting sites and information about vampires and vampire hunters in my quest for a tidbit of folklore or something that could spark an idea for getting myself out of the corner I've backed into. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can use for the current problem in my story. *sigh* But there are some interesting things I'm learning. I might sneak a fact or two into my story here and there. Who knows.

I may even put together a bubble chart if I get desperate enough for ideas. Maybe I can find a new, unique idea that would work. Here's to hoping, anyway...

Hmm. I've just thought of a new avenue to research that might help. Maybe I can get some ideas from researching more about my main character's profession. It can't hurt, right?

Meanwhile, I'm probably the only person who falls asleep at night these days thinking about vampires and necromancy and morbid things like that.

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Ding, Dong, the Story's Dead?

I feel like my brain is broken. I cannot come up with a solution to my writing dilemma, though I have tried. My husband says the solution will come at a random moment, but this gives me little comfort. It could come months from now. *sigh* I don't know. Maybe there's something in the story that just isn't working somehow, and I can't see it yet.

I can't believe I'm already second-guessing my story. I usually do that during revisions.

I'm going to go read and rest my brain.

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That Darned Wall

It's always so frustrating when you hit the wall in your writing. You're chugging along, happily scribbling out some lines or scenes, and then all of a sudden, it all halts to a stop. For whatever reason, you can't go forward. The reasons for this vary; sometimes it's a plot problem, or you don't know how to describe something, or you realize you need to do more research before you can continue. It can happen for a myriad of reasons.

I have halted to just such a stop in my own writing. I became stuck a couple of days ago, after managing a few paragraphs. Perhaps I am over-thinking it; I realized I do not know how to realistically describe or portray my main character hunting for vampire cows. So now I am researching vampires and methods of tracking animals to see if there are any ideas that might apply. So far, no luck. My husband has suggested some things, vis a vis the fact that they are vampiric, but since they are not human, I don't know that it could realistically work. I am still looking for solutions.

Right now I am not too frustrated about it. I'm giving it some time. Perhaps it will solve itself, so to speak. In the meantime, I'll do what I can, and maybe work on another project. Sometimes a switch is just the thing I need, so that I can return to a project with fresh eyes and new ideas.

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Regaining a Sense of Self

Being a mother means sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice comes in the form of one's writing, throughout the days and months of a new baby's advent and adjustment to the world. Luckily, my daughter is starting to sleep longer periods at night, and so I have some precious little time to devote to my writing now and again. I have written a number of pages of an interesting short story about...vampire cows. Yes, you read that correctly.

Perhaps some other time I will recount exactly how it is that I came up with THAT idea, but suffice it to say, I'm writing the story, no matter how bizarre it may seem. I am also enjoying myself immensely. I am getting back into the swing of things again, writing-wise, and I feel wonderful--normal, even. I feel like a person again, with a bit of my own corner of the world, my own life, if only for a few minutes at a time.

I cannot now describe how much of a contrast there is now with the previous months of dark, grim, ugliness. Perhaps some day in the future I will be able to write it all down in an article about Post Partum Depression. Right now, I'm recovering, I feel wonderful, and I am so in love with my daughter like I just couldn't be before. Nothing else matters.

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